Easier than slaughtering a pig, mushrooms make the perfect vegan BBQ sangwich!
8oz Mushrooms (mostly any kind will do, pig. But I used white button mushrooms)
4 drops Liquid smoke
3/4 cup Barbecue sauce
Take your mushrooms and chop them in half, put them in a pan with a little water in it on the stove on a medium heat for about six minutes, or until they’re hot enough to stab with a fork.
Next you’re going to take two forks and in a cross cross action, shred all the mushrooms until you have a beautiful little pile of pigless pulls.
Throw your shreds back into a pan and add 3/4 of a cup of BBQ sauce and 4 drops of liquid smoke. Heat everything on medium high and stir until the BBQ sauce thickens and sticks to the spatula.
Put that BBQ deliciousness on anything and oink for joy my friends, oink for joy.
Watch the video!
When yo man clean the casa bonita, ya gotta reward him with a little hanky panky… or, if you’re practicing abstinence, pizza is a good alternative. But don’t succumb to eating cow pus cheese and pizza dough filled with egg cholesterol (you want your man to keep his balls, don’t you?)
In a mixing bowl, combine flour, baking powder and salt; whisk until thoroughly combined and set aside.
Combine water and oil in a separate bowl or cup; stir to combine.
Slowly add water mixture to the flour mixture.
Using a wooden spoon, or your hands, gently stir and mix until dough forms a ball; dough should be soft, but not sticky. Add more water if it’s too dry, 1 tablespoon at a time. If it’s too sticky, add more flour.
Lightly flour your work area and knead dough for 5 minutes.
Line a baking sheet or a pizza pan with foil and lightly spray it with cooking spray.
Spread pizza dough on the prepared pan, using the palm of your hands and fingers to stretch it out to about a 1-inch thickness.
Grill or bake in a 400-degree oven for 15 to 20 minutes, or until lightly browned.
* * * But I did add about 1/4 cup of wheat gluten, half the oil and I put it in a deep dish pan. Baked the crust for about 8 minutes on 400°, took it out, added the toppings, then shoved it back in there for another 15 minutes.
For the toppings-
I used the Simple Truth brand vegan chick’n strips, chopped olives, roasted garlic, pizza sauce with browned onions and my bomb ass cheez recipe-
1/2 cup raw cashews
1 1/2 cup water
1 teaspoon salt
3 tbsp nutritional yeast
1 tsp white miso paste
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
2 tbsp tapioca starch
Blend on high in a powerful wizard blender until completely smooth. It will be watery. Pour into a small saucepan and turn heat on low/med, stir and stir like a mofo. In a few minutes it’ll start lumping up, keep stirring until it becomes creamy, stretchy and smooth (about 5-7 minutes total).
* * * You can also add 2tbsp of tapioca starch per cup of this👇 cheese recipe I made if you need a nut free version of cheese on this pizza:
Bring a saucepan of water to a boil and place steamer basket into pan.
Separately measure out wet and dry ingredients. Mix dry ingredients in a bowl, then add wet ingredients and knead for two minutes (or more).
Shape into a log, cut in half, wrap in tinfoil and place into steamer basket for 15 minutes, turn over and let cook for another 15 minutes.
Ways to eat this shit:
Bread and fry medallions of the seitan for “nuggets”
Slice thin to use as sandwich meat
Slice thin and fry for “bacon”
Chop up and use as taco meat
Or just stuff it in your mouth hole
COOKING WITHOUT CARCASSES 